Marriages are sacred, even more so in India, even if with changing
times our thoughts and acceptance levels regarding marriages are also changing.
Yet, there is nothing as engaging and entertaining as marriage- when it is
someone else's, i.e.!
I finally got a chance to be acquainted with the first stage of arranged marriages, first hand! Having abandoned the very concept of pure arranged marriages in my early years itself, it was interesting when I got a call from back home to check on a 'boy'! This boy in question was being 'looked at' for a young relative in the family, and since he is based in the same city as I am, I was looked upon as a 'resource' to check upon him, assess him and revert to the family. The 'boy' had initially been 'found' through a leading national daily- Matrimonial columns being a regular in all Indian newspapers!
I was at a loss at first- I haven’t helped anyone get married ever, so what was I supposed to check, assess or find out? What if the boy passes my personal assessment test and the girl gets married on my recommendation only to find out later that it was all a facade?? These things do happen, and I didn’t want to be blamed for getting someone's life all messy!
Still, when it comes from family, you cannot say 'No'! So, I thought of a few questions that I would have wanted to ask if I was looking for a 'boy' for myself and called him. He was decent enough and duly answered all the queries which bordered on his education, his aspirations, his career so far, his family background and his expectations from a prospective partner...and yet, there was something most important which I could not ask. And he himself said, "May be you want to know about my salary too?" I laughed and he shared those details too!
Duly, these details were passed onto the family, with my assessment notes but what I came to know thereafter was stranger than the truth itself.
The boy had told me that he had over a 100 profiles in hand and had no clue about any of them. His parents, on the other hand, already had the 'kundlis' (birth-charts) 'matched' with our relative. He has plans to move to US or Europe but his parents told our family back home that he will settle in India only and his wife will join their business...it seemed that the boy's parents were moving much faster than the boy had imagined.
What was more amusing was that this is supposed to be an arranged marriage- where families 'arrange' a match with a family most suitable for their child. However, in this case, there seemed to be so many gaps between the boy's and his family's thoughts itself.
I finally got a chance to be acquainted with the first stage of arranged marriages, first hand! Having abandoned the very concept of pure arranged marriages in my early years itself, it was interesting when I got a call from back home to check on a 'boy'! This boy in question was being 'looked at' for a young relative in the family, and since he is based in the same city as I am, I was looked upon as a 'resource' to check upon him, assess him and revert to the family. The 'boy' had initially been 'found' through a leading national daily- Matrimonial columns being a regular in all Indian newspapers!
I was at a loss at first- I haven’t helped anyone get married ever, so what was I supposed to check, assess or find out? What if the boy passes my personal assessment test and the girl gets married on my recommendation only to find out later that it was all a facade?? These things do happen, and I didn’t want to be blamed for getting someone's life all messy!
Still, when it comes from family, you cannot say 'No'! So, I thought of a few questions that I would have wanted to ask if I was looking for a 'boy' for myself and called him. He was decent enough and duly answered all the queries which bordered on his education, his aspirations, his career so far, his family background and his expectations from a prospective partner...and yet, there was something most important which I could not ask. And he himself said, "May be you want to know about my salary too?" I laughed and he shared those details too!
Duly, these details were passed onto the family, with my assessment notes but what I came to know thereafter was stranger than the truth itself.
The boy had told me that he had over a 100 profiles in hand and had no clue about any of them. His parents, on the other hand, already had the 'kundlis' (birth-charts) 'matched' with our relative. He has plans to move to US or Europe but his parents told our family back home that he will settle in India only and his wife will join their business...it seemed that the boy's parents were moving much faster than the boy had imagined.
What was more amusing was that this is supposed to be an arranged marriage- where families 'arrange' a match with a family most suitable for their child. However, in this case, there seemed to be so many gaps between the boy's and his family's thoughts itself.
Will the boy actually be under
pressure to find a more 'homely' girl than he wants to? May be…Will he get
married to the girl based upon kundli results or his own assessment points? I do
not know...
The girl's parents, on the other hand, are ecstatic (already) at finding such a good match without having an idea that the boy has not even looked at their daughter’s profile and has no clue about the 'kundli' results.
Will their families look at their children's individual preferences too, or only tell them to get married to the person they find as appropriate?
Whether they get married to each other or not, in India or abroad, arranged or love, in all scenarios, the onus will still be finally on them alone to make their marriage work!
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These observations are my point of view of the life, as I see it. This blog does not intend to hurt, rationalise, judge, ridicule, or in any way offend anyone at all...it is only a way of sharing my own observations...so, please take it in the right spirit....thanks.