I confess...i pretend!

I have been taught to pretend. And i am sure everyone is. It is a part of our growing up.
"Smile and say hello when the guests come," i am teaching my brood to pretend, pretend to be happy when we socialise with people other than they know, or are friendly with.

"Oh, he knows all the poems! Chalo beta, recite that Red Balloon one for uncle-auntie", haven’t we all gone through it? For the sake of our parents and avoiding a lecture later, we all have endured being the unwanted performer in front of an uninterested audience.

"That house is your home now. Stay true to both the homes my child," is the usual parting advice to brides in our country. And yet, from when she comes back for her first visit after the marriage to whenever she comes later, everyone tries to find the inside secrets of her new family.
"How is your sister-in-law? Does she take all your clothes?"
"How is your mother-in-law? Does she help you or you have to do everything?"
"What? They drink every night? OMG!!!"
The bride, however, is generally trained to pretend, and pretends that all is fine. All is well. The mother laments that her daughter does not share anything with her anymore, and by that she actually means that she does not tell her any problems that she is facing in her other home. The mother-in-law fears that her daughter-in-law will go and share the family issues with her parents and the matter will be aggravated. The bride fears that one day she will lose her mind in the middle of these two mothers! Nobody told her that marriage was a tough thing, much more than the nice clothes and jewelry and the happy send-off and promises of love.

"Oh, my wife is a great cook" boasts the man in front of his boss, even though he knows his wife got migraine attack at the mere mention of having his boss over for a formal dinner.
"Oh, it is all my pleasure", gushes the wife when the boss and his wife thank her for having taken all that trouble.

"Hey, why don’t you stay with us?" the husband screams on the phone to his long-lost friend who has bothered to call him only when he is planning to visit the city. There is no space in the house to have house-guests but they do host them, all the while pretending what a pleasure it has been to host them and meet them after decades of  hibernation.

I am sure i am not the only one who is the dutiful bahu when one of her in-laws visit and the in-control daughter when someone from her 'own' side visits. The same holds true for our spouses.
At least one of these is a facade, or are we really so unbelievably perfect?

"I am so sorry...I already have guests coming over this weekend", we pretend to have a perfectly busy social life when we are invited to a party we hardly want to go, even though we will spend the weekend grumpily in front of the tv.

Sometimes, it is tempting to stay true, to not pretend anymore. But i realise that that would mean less headache for me but more heartache for many more people in my life.

So, you see- we are a species who pretend. We pretend to be happy, sad, innocent, demanding, accommodating, furious and all things in between. We are positive thinking personified. How? Don't all of those books tell us to believe the make-believe- "Believe you are happy and you will feel happy!", "Believe you are fine, and you will feel fine!”
We believe our pretence because it is a way of life. The only way to wade through those muddy, confusing waters of life we call a journey!