That Phone Call

What is one thing that NRIs are always scared of? 

That ominous phone call- in the middle of the night, early in the morning, anytime of the day…that unexpected phone call that tells you that you have lost someone. It is the loss coupled with that feeling of helplessness…you cannot even rush to attend the last rites- by the time you reach home, it is all over. A chapter closed. An opportunity to see one last time missed, forever.  A regret mixed with guilt stays in your heart that tells you you were the only one absent.

As that feeling hit home today, it left me nervous. My first thought was to go home. Next came the practicalities. Where should I leave my kids? Should I try to find airline tickets? Will I be able to still see my grandfather, or will it be too late? I do not want to go home and see his empty bed after 6 months. I do not want to cry alone with his memories in my heart. I want to celebrate his long life (99 years) and remind myself that he is probably with my grandmother now, and happier.  But sitting so far from home, it is not easy to let go; to not remember him with his walking stick,  his conversations, his treats, his hand on your head even when his memory was failing him, or even his sickness in the last few years…

I have to admit- I hate these phone calls…