What's in a Name?

I am wondering if Shakespeare did enough research before penning down his famous lines, "What's in a name?..."

The more I see, the more I think, the more I observe, I have no doubt that everything is in a name...calling a Rose, a Jasmine, wouldn't  be fair or desirable by either of the flowers, isn’t it? And you would surely fail your Botany exam if you still insisted on 'What's in a name..a rose is a rose is a rose..." crashing all your hopes of becoming a horticulturist, or even a gardener!

My  kiddo abhorred it when someone called him by a name other than his own, even when he was just 4 years old. I never liked the concept of 'changing the bride's name after marriage' in some Indian families, though I am sure in the background it represents the beginning of a fresh life after marriage. A great deal of emphasis is laid on spelling the names correctly in books on social networking. Calling someone by a name other than their own would be a big mistake in that area for sure. Remembering names is an invaluable skill. So, how can there be nothing in a name?

A name is so important that even for a new born baby, we look through books, religious books, websites- trying to find that one perfect name that will epitomize all our wishes and hopes for and from that child. A name is not a few letters of the language having come together to signify something- it is an identity, a whole life represented in those few letters! Everything is in a name...it is who you are known to the world as.

Holy Matrimony- Indian style!

Marriages are sacred, even more so in India, even if with changing times our thoughts and acceptance levels regarding marriages are also changing. Yet, there is nothing as engaging and entertaining as marriage- when it is someone else's, i.e.!
I finally got a chance to be acquainted with the first stage of arranged marriages, first hand! Having abandoned the very concept of pure arranged marriages in my early years itself, it was interesting when I got a call from back home to check on a 'boy'! This boy in question was being 'looked at' for a young relative in the family, and since he is based in the same city as I am, I was looked upon as a 'resource' to check upon him, assess him and revert to the family. The 'boy' had initially been 'found' through a leading national daily- Matrimonial columns being a regular in all Indian newspapers!
I was at a loss at first- I haven’t helped anyone get married ever, so what was I supposed to check, assess or find out? What if the boy passes my personal assessment test and the girl gets married on my recommendation only to find out later that it was all a facade?? These things do happen, and I didn’t want to be blamed for getting someone's life all messy!
Still, when it comes from family, you cannot say 'No'! So, I thought of a few questions that I would have wanted to ask if I was looking for a 'boy' for myself and called him. He was decent enough and duly answered all the queries which bordered on his education, his aspirations, his career so far, his family background and his expectations from a prospective partner...and yet, there was something most important which I could not ask. And he himself said, "May be you want to know about my salary too?" I laughed and he shared those details too!
Duly, these details were passed onto the family, with my assessment notes but what I came to know thereafter was stranger than the truth itself.
The boy had told me that he had over a 100 profiles in hand and had no clue about any of them. His parents, on the other hand, already had the 'kundlis' (birth-charts) 'matched' with our relative. He has plans to move to US or Europe but his parents told our family back home that he will settle in India only and his wife will join their business...it seemed that the boy's parents were moving much faster than the boy had imagined.
What was more amusing was that this is supposed to be an arranged marriage- where families 'arrange' a match with a family most suitable for their child. However, in this case, there seemed to be so many gaps between the boy's and his family's thoughts itself.

Will the boy actually be under pressure to find a more 'homely' girl than he wants to? May be…Will he get married to the girl based upon kundli results or his own assessment points? I do not know...

The girl's parents, on the other hand, are ecstatic (already) at finding such a good match without having an idea that the boy has not even looked at their daughter’s profile and has no clue about the 'kundli' results.

Will their families look at their children's individual preferences too, or only tell them to get married to the person they find as appropriate?

Whether they get married to each other or not, in India or abroad, arranged or love, in all scenarios, the onus will still be finally on them alone to make their marriage work!

Happy Birthday! or is it??

Every time i wish someone a happy birthday, i tend to wonder what it really means for them. Most obviously, it means that the birthday person was born on this day an x no. of years ago. What were his/her parents wishes for him/her then? How has the life turned out actually? On each birthday, does the birthday person think anything of the years gone by and those yet to come, or just celebrates the day and forgets about it until the next time? What if there is no next time...that is a horrifying thought, and so, I wish a long, happy and healthy life for him/her.

There are some people who think birthdays should not be celebrated since every birthday only means that we are another year older and older means, less younger, less able, less of everything... Well, we all have our own take on life, and mine is that if i am able to celebrate my birthday or anyone else's , it only means i am alive! And i am thankful to God for that! so, yes, i think birthdays are a reason for celebration- they are a celebration of being alive, of hope once more and good wishes. They are reminders that we have a lot to be thankful for, and a lot more to achieve. They are our bundles of LIFE we unpack every year with happiness and hope...

If i had the chance- Reason 2 to go back in time...

Siblings! what else? It would be amazing to be able to play with them again- all day long, fight and then make-up, share a midnight snack, look out for each other...the list is endless. There is no sweeter time than that spent in innocent childhood playing endless outdoor games, be it hot blistering summer or cold winter!
And of course, that would mean the same alley where we lived as a huge, extended family back then- and the same people too...and even the same dog! A reconstruction of a time classified as 'past' now...

If i had the chance- Reason 1 to go back in time...

I am trying to find at least 10 reasons to want to go back in time if was given a chance to do so. Number 10 has no specific significance as such but seems like a starting point for me to take a humungous decision like this one!
Reason 1-
It has been the easiest one. I didn't need to do much thinking to know that i would want to become a child again to be with my parents...I would love to see the youthful, optimistic face of my father and be carried in those strong arms that held the promise of protection from all things bad and evil! I would love to be able to see my mom in her prime beauty, wearing all the pretty sarees and singing lullabies to us every night...and i would definitely want to hear father's hearty laughter, filling our home with life, once again.
I am sure no one wants anything bad to happen to their spouse, kid(s) or parents...precisely why my going back in time would mean their coming back to youth too...it works both ways, doesn't it?

If you had the chance...

Not many years ago, a friend and I were in a mall, shopping for a particular brand of milk for pregnant women. As we took the escalator after our purchase, we saw the young couple right in front of us. My child was an infant then and she was expecting her second one. We both knew what this couple did not know- and we both did not need many words but just a smile and an exchange of glance and we both said simultaneously, "They don't know what they are getting into!"

I am pretty sure we had a smirk on our faces at that very moment that comes when you know what to expect and others don't! She said so, seven months pregnant, knowing fully well what was to come her way shortly; and i said so remembering all my post-partum medical trips to the hospital!

And we shared a hearty laugh.

Even now, i wonder, if i had the chance to reverse the time, would i want to go back to the stage that couple was at?

My instinctive reaction is a big 'No'.

If i don't hug my kids for even a day, i feel incomplete- so I definitely cannot imagine a time in my life without them! Besides, I don't want all the growing-up pains to come again- after all, even if i could reverse the clock once, i would have to go through the (same) cycle of life sooner or later. I cannot possibly stay young forever...

The more you think, the more clear it becomes.

Every stage of life has its 'coming of age' stage(s) and each of them is important in its own way. Just like the bad experiences or pains of the past, we have beautiful moments that always bring a smile on our face. Reversing the clock might mean i could choose more wisely and undo my bad decisions, but it would also mean losing my precious present, and my happy past!

I think i should probably make a list of, say, 10 things i would want to re-do if i have the chance to relive my life so far ...will start tomorrow on that.

Conversations!

The other day, I met an old lady at the same park. She is one of the kid's grandma, visiting from an Asian country. I was not sure which country though, so I just nodded to wish her a good evening. She was dressed in a familiar way but then, we are quite similar in many ways to our 'estranged' neighbours! She must have been in her early 70s and as soon as she sat down, she started talking.
The talk that we talked was similar to the talk we talk when we visit our home country- essentially a bombardment of the same or similar questions from all the elderly aunts in the house- be it your mom's house or your mom-in-law's!
We sat together for about an hour or so, and in that time, she had asked me where am I from, how many kids I have, where does my husband work, do I have a maid, and what have I prepared for dinner, and also commented on why are we all vegetarian, plus, a small discussion on if it has something to do with my religion!
In return, she had shared with me an invaluable glimpse of her life- she has three sons, and all three are based outside the country. So, she and her husband visit each one of them by turns. Each son has been blessed with three daughters and finally, one has been blessed with a son too! The pride, as she mentioned her grandson and his antics, was clearly audible in her voice. However, it would only be fair to mention that she was equally happy to have her granddaughters in the family! She also told me about the big bungalow that they have back home with most of the rooms kept locked until the kids join them for their summer break every year. I heard about the convenience of hiring a house-help there versus here, and all the hard work that her daughter-in-law has to do to keep the home running smoothly.
There were bits of this conversation which I didn’t understand because of the different accent and cultural references but I did gather that her husband was struggling with a medical condition and yet they had managed to go on their holy pilgrimage some 8 times!
In the middle of all this, I could not help wondering if we all are like that...we find it easier to open up to strangers through internet and all its social engines but fail to strike a meaningful or even an easy conversation with the people who matter the most to us! I was a nobody to this lady, I didn’t know her son and daughter-in-law even though we live in the same community, and this old lady would be leaving soon for her home-country- so why was she telling me all this? Is it our need to be able to talk? Or, is it our need to be able to just confide, just let it out? Or is it the simple, old way of talking where you do not think about issues like privacy and it does not matter who you are talking to?
Whatever the reason of her talking, I felt obliged to listen to her whole story...including her daughter-in-law's wasteful habits, her medical issues and their pets.
At the end of it, I felt I knew her better than I knew her when I saw her one hour before in the park, and also, that if all of us could talk so easily about ourselves, may be, we all could get to know each other better…but do we really want to know others better? Or do we have enough of our battles to fight on and stay busy in our own individual lives?

Scenes from the park

Scenes from the park

There are times when the neighbourhood park is absolutely deserted, barring its permanent residents- the birds. With the sun strong enough to barbeque the lobsters without any other combustible product being required, the kids are coaxed into staying indoors and watching TV, playing board games, Wii or just do nothing...but sending them out in the sun is clearly not an option. Even the evenings are hot, humid and oxygen-free!

I look through my window and wonder where has the cheeriness and the laughter disappeared, even though i know fully well where!

And then there are days, the blissful days when the park is full. I can see young moms, old grannies, coming-home-early-to-spend-quality-time-with-kids dads, cousins, visiting friends and relatives, and the old gangs of friends too. While the new babies are in their strollers; lulling off to sleep while enjoying the breeze, toddlers practise their balancing and walking skills while running after the balls rolled onto the grass by their mommies, the younger kids play a run-and -catch game or share toy-cars and scooters, the preteens invent their super-hero or spy-villain games and the teenagers, oblivious of the world around them, sit on the barbeque grill, smoking away their youth. The moms, grouping together generally according to the age of their kids, discuss their kids' developments, problems, exchange notes on schools and extra-curricular activities while keeping an eye on their kids. Everyone calls everyone else by their first name- filling the whole park with warmth and a sense of community, and without even realising it, we share those moments of life with someone we might only see in the park!

It fills my heart with happiness- to be able to see my kids in the middle of what i believe is normal childhood. A normal childhood- where they have friends; they visit each other's houses as their own, without the fear of child-abuse; they fight, they make-up, they play normal games that kids should play, watch movies together and share popcorn, cookies, fruit and drinks too! A normal childhood, where there is not a worry about tomorrow and where you can play in the park until it gets dark and sometimes even later on! A normal childhood, where moms and dads are a part of their kids' changing life and make it a point to live that very happy moment with them...

It is one of the happienst scenes that i like to see again and again, and again, knowing fully well that like everything else in life, this pleasure will not last forever...and that's what makes it all the more precious!