Queue's Cues

As we stood in the queue waiting for the gentleman ahead of us to finish his transaction, the older man standing tentatively next to us (neither in the queue, nor out of it) quietly moved right ahead of us! I looked at my son, he looked at me- we exchanged glances but none of us said anything to the intruder. I asked, 'why didn’t you say you are in the queue?’ He asked 'Why didn’t you say?'

'Because i want you to learn to speak up'.

We both kept quiet. We both knew we are bad at confrontations and standing up for ourselves- precisely the reason i want my children to learn those two essentials of surviving.

Nevertheless, we both let the older man do his shopping. We let him get away with being rude (he had not even asked whether he could come ahead of us, since it was our turn.) and bullying us (he DID finish his transaction even though we had been waiting for our turn for the last 15 minutes).

It made me realise how easy it is to observe the basic nature of anyone in a queue- not a pleasant situation to be in, and hence, the perfect situation to see one's true nature. Also, very similar to how one behaves on the road. I bet, the older man who jumped ahead of us without any apology or request, does the same on the road too- changing lanes without any consideration to others, sometimes only to satisfy his urge of being ahead of everyone. And he is not the only one. There are people in every traffic jam, who get away with driving on the hard shoulder and then try to get in the queue right at the front- making everyone else following the rules and waiting patiently for the traffic to clear look and feel stupid.

 I wonder if queue-behaviour can be put to more productive use. Can companies, e.g., observe their prospective employees in a queue, discreetly enough? Can prospective life partners, especially in the Indian scenario where more marriages are still 'arranged ' than otherwise, be observed and judged by how they behave in the queue? Or is not important enough in the larger scheme of life? To me it seems like it is.

Imagine getting married to a person (A) who is so timid/ good/ soft natured that he/she will let anyone and everyone come ahead of him/her in the queue. What does it tell you about that person? To me, it says, 'He/she is too good for himself/herself. Having him/her as a spouse would mean i will have to take care of all practical matters, and teach the kids not to let others take advantage of them, and yet, we will be fighting all the time- he with his idealistic glasses on, and i with my practical ones!’

 Now imagine having this person (B) as a spouse: He/she looks at the long queue ahead of him/her, decides it is not his/her cup of tea to wait. He/she brings his/her trolley from a 'hard shoulder' and tries to get in. If A is in the queue, he/she will let B in, and if it is another one like B himself/herself, they will have an argument, some bad temper and may be a scene.  B kind of a person will teach the kids about jungle raj in life, disrespect to others, cutting the queues in life too to get ahead. I wonder if I would be able to trust him/ her; and yet, if we were married, rest assured, he/she will not shy away from doing even wrong things to for the good of his/her family!! My feeling is I wouldn’t like B very much though- he/she seems to be a bully, the kind who loves to intimidate people and then glow in that warmth of their fear!

So, i guess, it all depends on what you are looking for. You could leave it at that- a rude person in the queue, or you could take it to the next level to judge a person’s nature- be it for a job, marriage or simple friendship, or you could even use that as an opportunity to teach your kids a thing or two about being respectful and yet firm about doing the right thing.  

As I write, I am realising what an effective tool a visit to the supermarket is- first the ‘speaking shopping trolley’ (http://muteobservations.blogspot.com/2011/04/speaking-shopping-trolley.html) and now the queue-behaviour! Just make sure you are at a crowded hypermarket at the weekend if you really want someone revealed!