Letting them go...

Silence! Pin drop silence! Better than that in a school or college library. After two months of voices around me, it seemed strange. As i said bye this morning to the kids and Hello to the new school session, the warmth of the kids' presence gave way to grave silence. Suddenly, there was time at hand, and there was this eerie quietness that has the ability to depress you or calm you, engage you or totally disengage you, make you look forward to the day or ending of the day; depending on your disposition, preference and circumstances.  But, it can only be filled temporarily, if your kids are the centre of your universe.

I wondered what it would be to be in an empty nest when the time comes. We have taken our own parents journey to that point as a matter of fact, never realising how slowly, but surely, quietness first hurts them and when they begin to relish it- the easier routine and all, we pop in the scene once again- disrupting their adjustments to life's changes again and again...

I wonder if i will be able to let my children fly across the oceans to study in some university in the hope of a brighter and securer future for them. I wonder if i will be able to let go of them at an age and in a world as rife with drugs and all other vices as it was never before. I hope i can- for them, as well as for myself. It will be selfish to not let them go....

When i recently experienced being away from them for four full days (what can you say when kids want to say bye?), i realised how empty the world suddenly becomes unless you have things to occupy your thoughts. These things could be your work, your time pass activities, serious hobbies, friends, relatives, etc. etc. But yes, in the eyes of the world, you are suddenly a free bird, a situation akin to my mom's retirement from her job (-suddenly, everyone who needed a helping hand could only think of her!), or that of a young unmarried girl having finished her education, not gainfully employed, and only at home because she is waiting to get married.

I realised (as I have done at many other occasions before), employment at any age is so very important. That could be economically meaningful employment or even a non-economic employment as being a mother to growing up kids, or even grand kids. It keeps you distracted from disruptions of life, it keeps your mind occupied, and it helps you to keep up the image of being 'useful' to the country, society, and world in general...if you know what i mean.

Suddenly i realise that as much as i miss the kids, as much as i love having them around me, i need to grow up to understand that one day, they will have a totally independent life; one day i will be just a part of their life; one day they will not need me- and for that one day, life slowly and surely prepares you, in its own way...i think so....