Mangalore crash

A plane full of people. Reaching their destination. Some for happy, others for sad reasons. Destined to be together. Ill fated.

All that is left now is sadness. Immense sadness. Families have been wiped out, bodies burnt beyond recognition. The very very very few lucky survivors have an even tougher job ahead- the mental trauma, the physical reality of absence of the loved ones, and above all, a realisation, a haunting acknowledgement of the fickleness of life....

Why does it always take a big tragedy to make us look into our own carelessness? Whether it was the treacherous runway, or the pilot's fatigue, we do not know that as yet. But what we do know is the huge void left behind by the deceased passengers...who not only died, but died so violently...only consolation being that in those last minutes before losing it all, families were together, at least some of them.

What would you call it, if not destiny- when some who survived did so completely by chance- a human error, a spur of the moment judgement; some who did not, had needed to reach their homes so urgently that they took the flight, leaving no stone unturned to get a seat on it...

When the time comes, we get pulled to it. Death, the ultimate power, as strong as the life itself.

My heart goes out most to the kids, who lose their parents in such tragedies. All hopes crash, all positive thoughts seem meaningless, and all prayers seem useless. And yet, we know, they know that they have to survive, somehow, even when pain tears their hearts and lives apart.

I wonder...

I had an Afghan neighbour till last summer, who had come from London. She later moved back to London to be with her huge extended family.

I have a Palestinian acquaintance whose Russian wife has gone to Russia for their first delivery...and this young man, could not get the visa because of obvious reasons.

My American-Pakistani friend does not want to travel to meet family in Pakistan anymore because she and her kids are scared that they can be abducted and ill-treated anytime, anywhere- and if not, they will be in constant threat of another bombing. Recently, however, she braved her fears and traveled to her Pakistani home...but stayed holed up inside the house for all the 15 days that she was there.

My Nepali acquaintance has to travel to Nepal next year but she is already worried that she will need to be accompanied by a male member of the family- thanks to the terror the Maoists have created there. Rape, forced arms training, destroying the common man's property and wealth- being just a few of their weapons.

Unfortunately, this mayhem is neither limited to these countries nor does it end here. Everywhere we travel, we have the terrorism quietly walking alongside, ghost-like .

I wonder,

one, why don't these people see that all a common person wants is peace, a chance to live life normally?

two, why were we not taught by our parents, teachers or schools how to tackle bullies? They force us out of our lives, out of our homes, out of our countries...we flee, we get scared- and that is what gives them happiness and satisfaction. What are they, if not another kind of big bullies??

Where are we heading? Will our children ever be safe from these threats? Is there any end to this nonsense? May be, after every terror attack they should go back to their moms and ask them if they did the right thing...because no one else can understand the preciousness of a life as much as a mother can. Or, what if all went to back to the old times when we lived peacefully in our own territories- the whole terror business started when we became greedy, for the other person's wealth, territory and possibly, woman. If we all stayed within our boundaries, no one will be unhappy, i guess...and hence, there will be no need to use force or terror??

I wonder...

CAROLYN SARITA SANTHOJI...

It was a hot summer day. A class of grade 7, neatly seated as two rows of girls and two rows of boys; just about to start their Hindi lesson. And then, she came, out of the blue, just like that! Our Hindi teacher introduced her to us as Carolyn Sarita Santhoji...a very young, petite, South Indian girl.

We got along rather well, but then she was friendly with everyone. Over the years, we fell into a comfortable friendship where we shared secrets, food, betrayals and gossip. We even managed to get a special permission for our after-school 'picnic' once- just us- Sarita, her brother, my brother and I. She got fresh, hot idlis from her on-campus home while my mom had either sent the extra snacks with us that morning or my father came to give them in the afternoon, i don't remember. But i do remember that while we were hoping for it to be an all fun evening, it started seeming very eerie after the whole school was empty and it was just the four of us left there...even though we had all the swings to our disposal, it was not all that fun not having to fight with anyone for our turn!

I can still see her walking across our vast playground, her ponytail and her smile...

Then they moved, and we lost touch after a couple of years...until recently. Yes, i got in touch with her family again after about 20 years, and was eager to know about her.

Life did not turn out very well for her. Her family went through one personal loss after the other. And yet, i was hoping it will be all OK in the end. I could hear a nagging thought at the back of my mind, "Good, she didn't know any of this back then. It would have taken her smile away too early then..."

Sarita was sick, terribly sick for the last couple of years. So sick, that i had to ask that question again, "why she??" But i never still imagined it will all happen so soon, no one did, i think. Even though we realise now, may be this was for the better- so much of suffering that she and her family had been going through...may be it is God's way of putting an end to that suffering.

And yet, you couldn't help thinking, 'how can someone so young die so suddenly??'

As we shared the sad news, a friend said "wish we had spoken to her!"
It broke my heart...

Yes, wish i had spoken to her. Wish i had said a hello before i realised i could not ever say a bye to her again...wish....

I realised, how important it is to DO the right thing immediately, instead of waiting to find time, or even the right moment- because, this is THE right moment! If only i had spoken to her right when i got in touch with her brother, i would have been able to make new memories of her, to relive our friendship though a bit distantly...Now, i am constantly haunted by her images from school days, wondering, how she did know what lay ahead of those sunny, laughter and confusion filled school days. Wondering, if she had gotten better, she would have been able to look back at all of this as just a bad phase in life...

I thank God for not letting us see the future, because if we could, we would forget to even live our present...

Sarita, i am so sorry i did not speak to you when i could...but i hope you are happy and healthy there...I really do.

Home, sweet home!

Home. Where is home? We have an address and yet when someone asks us where we are from, they expect us to tell our 'home country, state and city'. When my kids were younger, we had a hard time telling them that though they were born in Dubai, are being brought up in Dubai, they are from India! How do you explain to a 5-year old why where he lives will never be his permanent home, or country?
And yet, when on an airport at a foreign country, with PA being made in a foreign language, we instinctively followed the women wearing the abaya...

When the UAE Ministry of Education made it mandatory for the schools to play the National Anthem in the mornings before the classes begin, there was some criticism from the expatriates. Reason was simple- our kids are anyway confused about their true identities, this will confuse them even further, and what purpose will it serve anyway (since we all will go back eventually...)?
And yet, surprisingly, the kids have picked up the National Anthem faster than expected. Even my KG going child who does not understand Arabic words, can hum the whole music!

They might not know the Indian National Anthem as yet but do realise that though ultimately they will have to move from here, this place is the dearest to them. The respect for the National Anthem comes from the sense of belonging here, however brief that association might be!

best wishes for the survivor...

Read in the newspaper toady: The 9-year old Dutch boy who was the sole survivor of a plane crash in the Libyan capital left for home yesterday, 3 days after the disaster that killed his parents, brother and 100 others.

I could not help thinking what this boy must be going through....what is ahead of him? Will he ever be able to foget this life chaging horror story that he made through, and yet, lost in a way? What will be his future?

It is a nightmare, thinking the family must have been going there for a vacation, and it ended so badly and so sadly...

Wish him all the very best...hope he smiles soon.

Charity- Who needs it the most?

A few years back, I realised it was time to introduce the idea of 'good deeds' to my 'growing up' boy. So, as a part of his birthday celebration, when he went to the temple, I asked him to keep a small amount of money separate and give it to the person he thinks needs it. We also discussed how and why he should use not only his heart but also his head while taking this decision.

Over the next few days, he kept coming to me asking if the sweeper is needier or the gardener, the life guard or the maid, or the construction workers? (He had been spared the heart-rending scenes of poverty from our own home country until then...). This went on for a few weeks, and then there was quiet...

Unfortunately, it has been a couple of years since then and it is still quiet... I cannot blame my child for poor decision making because the truth is there are so many needy people around that it might seem easier to just donate the money to a charity. If you get talking to anyone, absolutely anyone, and I am assuming they are open to talk to you too, you realise, everyone has a sad story. An absconding maid who continues to work illegally and hence, dangerously only to support her family, the gardener who is young enough to be studying in college himself but has 2 young children and an extended family to support back home, the cleaner who sweeps the roads everyday without any weekly off even in harsh weather conditions, the security guards who keep us safe for a salary that does not match their contribution to our lives or worst, the labourers who slog day and night to build our beautiful buildings, comfortable roads, and magnificent country, patients who cannot afford a life-saving treatment…Where do you stop and where do you begin? Every hand needs a helping hand...

While I have taken it on me to find a charity that we can put our faith and money in, my child has found the idea of sharing food most appealing; imagining the satisfaction from giving a bottle of cold juice to a construction worker in the middle of a hot day…and realising that this way, he will be able to help more people than just one, even if for just that moment!

Bad Karma alias sickness?

A brand new day, a brand new possibility- but the hope is always the same- May no one fall sick today!
I had a very unique ring tone for my kids' school number- so every time the school would call me, i would almost have a heart-attack. Not because it was always bad news but because one, the school does not call parents unless it is absolutely necessary; and two, the 'unique' ring tone meant i could recognise it as anyone would recognise an ambulance siren! So, my first reaction upon receiving such a phone call would be, "Gosh! what happened??".
After a spate of heart-attack inducing calls (thanks to my child visiting the school clinic so often!), i decided it was time to change that ring tone.
Unfortunately, changing the ring tone hasn't changed the fact that I still visit the hospital as much as before.
Like every other mom on this planet, i wish for complete elimination of disease itself! Why do we need to fall sick when we are going to die anyway? Why, at every stage of life, sickness follows us like a ghost and attacks us anywhere? And, it is not even only the virus, bacteria or the in-betweens- it could even be a sudden, unnecessary breakdown of our body machinery, with no spare parts available or changeable without enough physical, mental emotional and financial agony. Even if it is the result of our bad 'karma', aren't there any other ways that we pay for it??

The answers are many, if you look in any religious book- but all lead us to believe that this is all God's will...but why would God want us to suffer?? Is it because it is that one direct pain that only the sufferer feels the most, one pain that includes all the others in it?
And yet, it is just not fair not to know what you did so bad (bad karma) that you keep on breaking your bank balance and filling up the hospital's!!!! On the lighter side, i also like to console myself by thinking that my visits to the hospital are keeping someone (or many?) in employment and hence keeping at least a couple of families well taken care of!!!

How romantic!!!

What is romantic?
A cup of coffee in the rain? or, a cone of ice cream in the rain? or, a cup of tea early morning? or, late night? Plain tea or masala tea? A train journey in India or, a flight to see Eiffel Tower in Paris? A cruise or, a motor-bike ride in Goa?
When i was a student, a cup of hot, frothy coffee made my study of literature more interesting by not only helping me concentrate but also by transporting me to the world of those English poets, or so i felt. Now i wonder, if it was really the coffeee or just my assumption that it did what i felt it did?? Coffee may still sound romantic, but a cup of hot tea in cold winters scores higher- the steam caressing your face like a warm blanket, the aroma, the thought that what you are drinking is full of antioxidants, or even the whole idea of tea being served in delicate China-ware or silver ware...
To tell someone that you went on a train journey this summer in India might sound oh-so-colonially-romantic but the truth is that unless the train in question was Royal Rajasthan on Wheels, all notions of romance attached to a train journey would have crashed, in all probability.

It is all in our mind, i think- the notions of romance. We imagine. And we attach our imaginations, good and bad, to something more physical like the Eiffel Tower or the cruise or the beach or even camping in the desert...or anything for that matter...the truth is, it is so easy to romanticise anything under the sun...

The view from my window

I look out of the window- the hot (not even so hot as yet, mercifully) summer sun blinds my eyes, and yet i can see- busy- looking men and women going here and there in the street, clutching on to office-bags, packets, files and something or the other; rushing. It seems everyone knows where exactly they are headed, what exactly they are supposed to do, and what not. I wonder what is it that they do in their daily lives? What makes them having to go out in such harsh sun at its peak hour and finish those seemingly important errands? It even fills me with guilt that i am not out there, baking in the sun but indoors. Their daily commute in the sun seems to give them a purpose in life, a destination they must reach every day and they hurry across the same streets to reach there, somewhere, and give a meaning to their lives...however big or small.

All izz well!

A small deviation from the normal route and it messes up the whole thing, be it a job, a trip, a party, or even a life. And when that deviation is related to health, especially that of a loved one, it could very well mean sleepless nights, tense day(s) and hope that like all good things (and bad), this too shall pass...
The familiar sound of refrigerator, the known timing of the sprinklers running in the park, the schedule of the water-delivery company and even the garbage pick-up van, the fixed timing of the kids' school buses...it is all so soothing in its own way. It tells me just one thing...all iz well!
Thank God for those normal days!!!!