The (Mis)Interpreter

Without realizing it (of course!), I have developed (over the years) a knack of being misunderstood as far as my written communication is concerned. A letter written with a lot of care and mild tone had upset an older relative so much that her unhappiness at seeing me even today is pretty evident; a ‘yes’ has often been interpreted as a ‘No’, and vice versa; friendships have been endangered but luckily saved, just in the nick of time; doctors angered with my questions  at their diagnoses and prescriptions and then lost forever; and so on and so forth…so much so that I prefer now not to write letters/ emails anymore and would rather pick up a phone (or, Skype) if I have to. I have to add here that SMS may be small in size but it is equally potent as far as the danger quotient is concerned.

All this while, I blamed myself for using wrong words (because obviously, I cannot adjust my words or tone in a letter as per the facial expressions (used to judge the reaction) of the listener, or reader, in this case), and  wondered why or how a simple piece of written communication could be so misinterpreted, and whether it was all worth it.

Then I realized, it works both ways. 

If you are a good friend, you would first take my words in a positive tone, and in case of doubt, try to clarify it. But if you are naturally fussy and egoistic and oh-so-delicate; every word would be  a potential health hazard (for me!). And then of course, the language – how familiar or comfortable is the receiver in the language I have written the letter or the email. A general ‘you’ has been often misinterpreted as a specific ‘you’ (‘You’ cannot adjust your tone- the ‘You’ here is referring to a general ‘you’ and not ‘You' you, a specific person!), and has caused the worst ever damage.

I like this theory because it accepts that communication, written or verbal or even visual, is a two way process- I write, you read - you reply , I read; you upload, I see- I like, I press the like button; I don’t like, I keep mum; you talk, I listen- I talk, you have to listen! And this also involves a certain sense of familiarity at both the ends. Do you take the credit card welcome letters personally? I don't  because i know they are simply mass-generated. Do you take the  letters from the school personally? I do, because they are meant to be personal to a certain degree- meant for parents of that specific child in question. Do you worry about your letter being delivered to the wrong person? May be! Depends on the reasons of writing that letter in the first place.

Well,  my theories were tested recently when I read a message on a friend’s wall, congratulating his kids on becoming older brother and sister. The content was (names omitted for obvious reasons) like this:

“Many congratulations; (Name of his son) now has a younger brother and (name of his daughter) is finally a big sister too...”

"Hmm…” I thought, “he has been blessed with a baby.’

I sent him a congratulatory message, explaining how I had got the good news (rather, deduced the news).

His reply told me that I had made him lol- laugh out loud- because the baby was his cousin’s and his children were now older cousins to the new baby (and hence, referred to as being the older brother and sister now!).

I felt so embarrassed.

I apologized for my stupid interpretation and this friend of mine is sweet enough to have a hearty laugh about the whole matter and just leave it at that. So, no real harm done! Thank God!!

So, my new theory is:

“Words are dangerous. Use them with caution, care and in an appropriate manner; but not necessarily sparingly. If in doubt, pick up a phone and talk- way better a weapon of damage-control. If you have no phone credit (or another similar excuse) accept that it does not matter what damage is caused because of your written communication!”

Good luck with your words’ interpretations.