Without realizing it (of course!), I
have developed (over the years) a knack of being misunderstood as far as my
written communication is concerned. A letter written with a lot of care and
mild tone had upset an older relative so much that her unhappiness at seeing me
even today is pretty evident; a ‘yes’ has often been interpreted as a ‘No’, and
vice versa; friendships have been endangered but luckily saved, just in the
nick of time; doctors angered with my questions at their diagnoses and
prescriptions and then lost forever; and so on and so forth…so much so that I
prefer now not to write letters/ emails anymore and would rather pick up a
phone (or, Skype) if I have to. I have to add here that SMS may be small
in size but it is equally potent as far as the danger quotient is concerned.
All this while, I blamed myself for
using wrong words (because obviously, I cannot adjust my words or tone in a
letter as per the facial expressions (used to judge the reaction) of the
listener, or reader, in this case), and wondered why or how a simple
piece of written communication could be so misinterpreted, and
whether it was all worth it.
Then I realized, it works both
ways.
If you are a good friend, you would
first take my words in a positive tone, and in case of doubt, try to clarify
it. But if you are naturally fussy and egoistic and oh-so-delicate; every word
would be a potential health hazard (for me!). And then of course, the
language – how familiar or comfortable is the receiver in the language I have
written the letter or the email. A general ‘you’ has been often misinterpreted
as a specific ‘you’ (‘You’ cannot adjust your tone- the ‘You’ here is referring
to a general ‘you’ and not ‘You' you, a specific person!), and has caused the
worst ever damage.
I like this theory because it accepts
that communication, written or verbal or even visual, is a two way process- I
write, you read - you reply , I read; you upload, I see- I like, I press the
like button; I don’t like, I keep mum; you talk, I listen- I talk, you have to
listen! And this also involves a certain sense of familiarity at both the ends.
Do you take the credit card welcome letters personally?
I don't because i know they are simply mass-generated. Do you take the
letters from the school personally? I do, because they
are meant to be personal to a certain degree- meant for
parents of that specific child in question. Do you worry about your letter
being delivered to the wrong person? May be! Depends on the reasons of
writing that letter in the first place.
Well, my theories were tested
recently when I read a message on a friend’s wall, congratulating his kids on
becoming older brother and sister. The content was (names omitted for obvious
reasons) like this:
“Many congratulations; (Name of his
son) now has a younger brother and (name of his daughter) is finally a big
sister too...”
"Hmm…” I thought, “he has been
blessed with a baby.’
I sent him a congratulatory
message, explaining how I had got the good news (rather, deduced the news).
His reply told me that I had made
him lol- laugh out loud- because the baby was his cousin’s and his children
were now older cousins to the new baby (and hence, referred to as being the
older brother and sister now!).
I felt so embarrassed.
I apologized for my stupid
interpretation and this friend of mine is sweet enough to have a hearty laugh
about the whole matter and just leave it at that. So, no real harm done! Thank
God!!
So, my new theory is:
“Words are dangerous. Use them with
caution, care and in an appropriate manner; but not necessarily sparingly. If
in doubt, pick up a phone and talk- way better a weapon of damage-control. If
you have no phone credit (or another similar excuse) accept that it does not
matter what damage is caused because of your written communication!”
Good luck with your words’
interpretations.
