Trying to understand His ways...

I have been taught (I am struggling to still learn it…but that’s another story!) that God knows the best…and our difficult times are just a ‘Test’. And a whole lot like that…

I am still struggling to understand these fundamentals of survival because for the life of me, I cannot figure out why does God have to test His own product? He should have some faith in His own creation??

Why do good people get tested more than the bad? Is that also His preparation for something bigger and better?

Why do young people die? They shouldn’t! At all….what could be a possible explanation for this? Is it their karma? Or are they just paying for bad karma of their parents (since their parents get punished when their young one is taken away from them?)??? And why wait for so long to punish one for the bad karma…that they have no memory of what they did so bad to deserve a punishment now?

I met this gentleman yesterday. Now, Dubai is a strange place- it is so small and yet you never ever bump into your colleagues or exes or neighbours or friends or even your FB group or yoga class members anywhere; and yet, you can, most definitely can, bump into a trolley full of grocery…belonging to your ex-ex-boss; just like that! I was seeing him after almost 13 years…and I had no difficulty in recognising him. As I initiated the conversation and asked the usual, “So, where are you now?” I could see that he was trying hard to recognise me but I am not sure if he did. And suddenly, just like that, in the middle of shoppers in the Fruit and Vegetable section, holding onto our trolleys, he told me his 21 years old daughter has stage 4 cancer, and he has just come back after finishing first five weeks of treatment for her. I was shell-shocked. I didn’t know what to say. I had seen this young girl when she was about 7 or 8…and the only thought that crossed my mind was (and I am sorry if anyone thinks this is blasphemy) that this is rude. God cannot do this, should not do this. Isn’t it sadistic on His part to give something, let it be nurtured and made beautiful and; and then suddenly, with a snap of His fingers, harm it so much? Who is He testing, and for what? The doctors here had a part to play in this plan of His, is also worth a mention though (they couldn’t diagnose her cancer for a year, resulting in it reaching stage 4!)

At a time like this, it is easier for an outsider to give a lecture on all the morale-boosting words he has picked up along the life’s way; but as a sufferer, it is so difficult to keep faith. You oscillate between praying and getting angry; hope and despair; negotiating and giving up…

I cannot figure out why, just why does God do this? It is okay to test, but making a young life (and there are younger lives…children with leukaemia, thalassemia, and other diseases for which nothing can be done except managing the pain…) go through so much of suffering does not justify it. Or, maybe I am just too weak; not brave enough to withstand the pressure of His tests. Forgive me, but that’s how He made me!

Disclaimer: I hope i have not hurt anyone's religious or spiritual sentiments by expressing my thoughts on the 'will of God'- that was certainly not the intention. I am only searching for the answers that seem to elude me.