Being Anonymous

Someone asked me recently why i have a * and not a name at the bottom of my blog. "Well", i started, ":))", that was a smile meant to avoid any further discussion...

Later, i asked myself, really, why did i not use my name instead? What was stopping me? I traced my decision to a life long list of experiences in 'favour' of my decision.

‘Crank' calls were a part of growing up when we were teenagers. A common phenomenon, where the caller decided to create a sense of a mystery by keeping quiet, and sometimes breathing heavily! The end result was two-pronged. One, it served as a safe way for a teenage girl to boost her self confidence in the knowledge that she had a secret admirer while saving her from any further complications. And two, it saved him from any beatings at the hands of the girl’s family. (And I am pretty sure it was applicable vice versa too.)

Since the caller was anonymous, it was unknown, disguised, safe…

That anonymity that lent a sense of mystery to those phone calls also ensured safety.  

From writing anonymous letters to newspaper Editors to lodging a complaint with the Community Security, I have chosen to stay anonymous. Why???

I figured, it is because i am scared.  

I might be bothered by the very late night parties of my backyard neighbours, but i do not want any of them  to unleash their pets on me when i am walking down that street! 

I might have some valid suggestions for our service providers but I do not want them to look at me as the 'noisy' one. Noisy ones often get punished, you see. 

Besides, since every complaint means that someone is  not doing their job properly, complainants  are looked down upon in the same way as the troublemakers themselves. I do not think i would like to be looked down upon! So, i choose to hide; believing and hoping that anonymity will always help!

As a student,  when (and that happened many many many times!) I did not understand something that the teacher was talking about, I secretly hoped that someone  will raise a hand and clarify that doubt. I never did that myself. When someone else did that, it helped in in ways more than one- a. it answered my questions too,  b. it made me feel better that i was not the only one with a doubt, and c. if anyone ever thought in the whole classroom that it was silly to have not known that concept or meaning or translation, they would be thinking so about 'that' person and not me. I preferred to stay the anonymous ignorant student on the first row, thanking God for the girl next to me, the bright one, who also taught me that there was no harm in being ignorant, provided you do something about it.

 Now, though, I am scared of being typecast, of opinions, judgements, presumptions, and restrictions and other actions as a result of the same, other people's anger if my thoughts do not go down well with them and the like. Judged and typecast, thanks  to our curious nature,  by anyone who will venture to read this blog that because I belong to a certain gender, nationality, race, region or carry a certain surname, I must be in line with their own  knowledge gathered from school textbooks, personal experiences, or fiction. I must conform to their pre-conceived notions, or at least strengthen those notions in some way.

“Oh! It’s a woman!”  

"Hmmm, she is an Asian…”

"Aha! I knew that- "

"OMG! How can she talk like that about her own country/ race/ religion/ gender...."

"I know her from work- i didn’t think she was thinking anything beyond those presentations!" (See a smirk there!)

"Hey, i was there at the party that she is mentioning. I didn’t know she took an offence to that incident!"

These thoughts  are what i have wanted to avoid, or rise above. Somewhere, i did not want to be recognised, pointed a finger at, or passed a judgement upon. Also, it makes me (feel) more accepted, as I could be anyone- any nationality, any religion, any colour;  just about anyone at all!

So does anonymity ensure acceptance? Does it appeal to my safety-obsessed mind? I think so…though I am keeping an open mind for further discussion!