The Chutney Bowl

We had met for coffee at a beautiful coffee shop on Palm Jumeirah, and decided to go to Festival City for dinner from there. It had been a nice evening and the kids (five in all, age ranging from 5-23 years old) agreed for an Indian dinner offering both vegetarian and non-vegetarian options. It was a weekend evening and so no reservations were available, "First Come, First Serve basis on the weekend ma'm", I was told.

We walked into the familiar decor and thought ourselves lucky enough to see a large table being vacated in a corner; we settled down, ordered our choices and enjoyed our dinner while chatting, commenting, making promises to meet again soon. As we waited for the table to be cleared for dessert, we stumbled upon something that left me so shocked that I then vowed never to go back to that restaurant again.

Now this restaurant has a delectable collection of chutneys and pickles which is served in small individual bowls with their own spoons, and roasted papad, in a heavy, round brass divided tray. Just as we were waiting for the dessert, we saw this family of five-six adults, who definitely did not seem to be from the Asian subcontinent, tucking into these small bowls of chutneys and pickles and dips directly- and by that I mean, dipping their papads into it (if you are a fan of Food Detectives, you would know that that harmless act can and does leave you exposed to others' mouth bacteria!) at first, and then putting the dainty serving spoons direct into their mouths and then back into the bowls again.

I almost threw up, wondering how many people had done that to the bowls I had taken my sweet mango and mint chutneys from! Now, these are serving bowls and are only replenished (I doubt they get washed like rest of the crockery and cutlery after the table is cleared). Giving them the benefit of doubt (may be those guests were not aware of this), I wondered if  the restaurant staff serving them did not want to antagonize the patrons, and endanger his tip and so, kept his eyes closed and mouth shut?

Was it the restaurant’s responsibility to educate the guest about the etiquette, or was it the guests' responsibility to ask the restaurant if it was ‘their’ personal bowl like rest of the crockery being laid out for them?

Either way, it has completely put me off the bowls of dips and chutneys served in the restaurants!

As a topping, another restaurant, another place, another evening but the story of lack of civic sense and hygiene continues. I see one of the serving staff coming out of the loo but she walks out of the ladies room without washing her hands! Eeewwww!!!! And to think, she would be serving us?? No way. I do not mind being blunt and refusing that but then I just saw her, what about the others I didn’t see????

Finding Calm

"Now close your eyes....imagine something peaceful...try to remember something that makes you happy...your childhood, your mom, a day at the beach....go back...."

As the teacher says these soothing words at the end of the session, and I frantically try to transport myself to a happy, calm, serene, soothing place outside of the world around me. The only calming thing that pops up in my mind is the faces of my children...but it is not what the teacher means when he wants us to experience meditative sleep/ happiness in those five minutes of shavaasan.

As I wonder why it takes me forever to take my mind to happy times, I discover that it is because I find calm at an unusual place.

I find that the most appealing images of life to me are those of people eating - in a restaurant (not a fancy one with piano playing the background, and the fountain's tricking sound soothing you; but those of common tea shops and Bikanerwala's, and Haldiram's and the likes), in a food court, on the bus and train stations, in fast food outlets, in offices, at home..... Everywhere.

The reason is pretty simple. I find that looking at all the people eating makes me happy because it tells me that all is not yet lost. It tells me that in spite of knowing that they are eating stuff that is supposed to be rich in all the things bad for us- oil, sugar and salt, cholesterol and saturated fats- they are eating it and they look fine. It is comforting in an unusual way.

Yes, it might be bad for the body but it tells me that so many people are healthy enough to eat this 'bad' stuff- may be once in a week, once in a month or even daily. Their hearts are in the right place, doing the job they are meant to do; their muscles and bones will still take them back to their cars and their homes and their offices, their waistlines are never going to go away but then they know it....it is a sin they a committing very knowingly, and enjoying it too. It fills me with a sense of calm and peace to see the world around me at that point immersed in eating what they want to, and enjoying every bite that they take...right from the young children to their grandparents. It tells me that we all are in the same boat, even if it will eventually sink one day; it makes me feel a part of the bigger community of human beings who are committing the same mistakes (another way of saying that it reduces my personal guilt!) and most importantly, it takes my mind away from the harsher realities of food- hunger, pesticides, additives, preservatives (all the E numbers), hormone fed fruits, veggies and chickens, artery blockages, reduced immunities, gastric infections, tipping needles on the weighing scale, failed kidneys and livers, and doctors.

I know, it is warped logic, totally opposite of what I tell myself and my kids....but it is calming, even if only for a little while.

There is no rule about what should or should not calm you, is there?

Food for my soul

I know I am doing it again, but believe me, it is like one of those things which are beyond control. It happens, at the most, three times in a year; and every time it happens, it leaves my soul fed and hearty for a while.

Today, it happened by chance. I had no plan to sit in the school cafeteria for three hours, waiting for school exams to finish; but with the temperature in the car showing 50 degrees, i thought it best to bring the kids home with me rather than letting them walk to the bus area. So, there i was, in the school cafeteria; with the one-of-its-kind opportunity to observe children of various age groups and nationalities in their own element.

What fun! What joy!

How i wished i could be like them, one of them- that group of 8-9 year old boys sharing a box of store-bought humus with the soft triangles of khaboos put directly on the table (yes mommy! no napkin, no plate- didn't even sanitise hands!!!!), and enjoying every morsel of it. How i wished i could grow younger again and not worry about germs and sickness and anything beyond the moment i was presently in. Oh! what calm.....

Then I met a group of chatty grade 3 girls- three different nationalities, who, looking at the bags i was carrying thought i was a 'Miss', a teacher at the school. They reminded me why i miss my girlfriends so much! They were very friendly, shared their jokes with me, told me why it was bad to go out in sun in such weather, laughed with me at our sweating faces as we stood waiting and waved a lovely bye when it was time for them to go. I am thinking, they were really the conversation gurus every corporate team building event and every social etiquette class needs. They needed no introductions, no reasons to start talking to me. We were just at the same place, at the same time and in those ten minutes they spoke to me as one of their own- jumping and screaming with extreme joy when i reminded them that the school vacation was just a week away. They reminded me what a beautiful age it is - this 6-9 years age. Wonderful, carefree, curious, open, innocent, pure.

And then i saw some of grade 11 or 12 girls with their manicured hands and pedicured feet, wearing Birkenstocks with their school uniform, in their own world of prom night and university admissions.

Soul food...that's what it was.  One school cafeteria is a small reflection of the types of people (and in Dubai, types of nationality) one can find in the world. From  black to white and all shades of brown in between; from grumpy to happy and all shades of personality in between; from studious to carefree and all shades of casually-looking-at-the-revision-sheets in between.....it feels quite like an airport here. Everyone sharing the same goal of boarding a flight and yet, everyone going some place different; carrying their own luggage!

Over and Out...for two months!

It is that time of the year again that moms in Dubai love and dread, simultaneously! Yes, two months of summer vacation...a wonderful opportunity to spend more time with your kids, a reminder of our own happy schooldays, and a constant worry about what to do every single day! There is no holidays' homework; the kids have been doing their extra-curricular activities all through the year, and so, you cannot really push them too much now even if it seems like such a waste of time if the kids are not utilizing this extra time to learn a new skill; the weather is already 45-48 degrees allowing them to play outdoors only after 6pm; and most of their friends travel away from such horrid weather....so what do you do? Especially if both the parents are working? Leave the kids to watch TV and skype on the internet all day long; or let the maids entertain them?

Sure, there are 'summer camps' which come in especially handy for working moms, but under no circumstances should they be confused with the American summer camps we have so often heard about in the Hollywood movies. If you decide not to get trapped in these camps then all you are left with is DUCTAC summer camps, an anticipated holiday back home or somewhere, visits to movies, shopping malls, Ski Dubai, Ice rink and Modhesh fun city....rest of the time, it is a constant battle of wills! And yet, these two months fly away sooner than expected....so, must be the good times I guess!

So, yes, it is that time of the year again when you say hello to Shinchan and Doremon and Ben10; bye-bye to yoga sessions and structured routines...only for two short months!

Happy Holidays!

"You know me!"

"You know me!" she said with a big smile.

I wasn't sure. It was the first time someone had used those words with me and expected me to know them enough to guess their choice/ reaction/ preference. The fact was, i didn't know her well enough to know her choice- and here, i was being presented with a picture, a group picture, of young men and was expected to correctly 'guess' the man of her choice from that group.

I fumbled, i tried and failed; miserably.

I blamed myself for not knowing her better.

Years later, another colleague used the same words with me when i asked her what she wanted to eat.

"You know me" she said.

"This one is easier to figure out'' i told myself. We had been colleagues for three years and had shared lunch times. I did better.

But there was no stopping her. She continued (and still does!) to use, "You know me" every time we met, for everything; and everytime it turned out something that i didn't know and she expected me to know about her- her choice in fashion, jewellery, her relationship with her mother-in-law, her career choices, her preferences with regard to friends etc etc etc..

I blame myself again thinking may be i didn't pay enough attention to her, may be i should have made an effort to know her better, may be....until recently.

Recently, as i sat with an older acquaintance, who i do know better than i knew any of my colleagues or friends above, she said, casually, in the flow of the conversation, "You know me..."

I sat there, not reacting, hoping this would pass.

She continued, "I am fond of solid stuff- no small diamonds for me...." and off she went on her trail of elaborating about her taste and choices. And i can tell you i was thankful for that. I really did not know all that lot about her; but this time i also made a decision.

I decided, next time anyone says "You know me..."., i am not going to get all self-conscious and blame myself for actually not knowing him/her. It might be a better idea to say, "Actually, I don't think i know you not that well....", as long as i can manage to stop squirming from within and plaster a smile on my face to mask that thumping of my heart!