Our knights in shining BMWs...

I can never forget that afternoon. As i came home for my 3-hour break, i saw a stretcher near the lift. I thought someone was sick in the building and yes, it dawned on me, that i had seen an ambulance and a police patrol car outside in the open parking. As we got ready to have lunch, we had no idea what had happened in the building while we were at work. Never before had i had a police officer knocking at our door, and that too in Dubai? We were more surprised than scared. Even before we had time to react, our home had been 'searched' inside out!

"What’s wrong?" was our obvious question, still unaware.

"Nothing! Don’t worry- just don't go anywhere till we tell you to."

"But we have to go back to work" we had no clue why all this was happening.

"Call them and tell them you cannot!" and he left. He was not scary. On the contrary, he was very polite. What was scary was our ignorance of the fact that something really bad had happened that morning in our building and as the residents were coming back from their work, schools and daily errands, the police was asking them all to stay put in their homes.

Around evening, we were all called downstairs and told to go to a specific police station- everyone, including the elderly and the kids. I had never been to one (and i am utterly grateful to God for that!), and it seemed strange sitting there with all the people - people i didn’t even know lived in my building, people i had seen off and on in the lift, people i was friendly with- everyone. No one knew what to expect. Finally, we  were called in for...finger printing. 

While talking to other neighbours, it finally poured out. There had been a murder in the building that morning, and we all were being treated equally- as suspects- till the police completed its investigations. The whole exercise finished at around 10pm that night. That was my first interaction with Dubai Police, and it did not leave any impression- neither positive nor negative. I had always believed that the farther you stay from Police, the better it is.

Within the next two days, we heard that the murderer had been 'caught' while trying to flee the country. That was  my first positive impression of the efficiency of the Dubai Police. I had never before seen a more polite Police, i had never before heard of a case being 'solved' so soon.

 Fast forward to this week, a gap of almost 14 years.  A friend’s house was broken into the other night and the thieves, two people on tourist visa, were booked and all the stolen goods recovered from them in the shortest time i have ever heard!

 When my bag was stolen from a mall a couple of years back, i had to go to the Police Station a second time, and i can tell you that visiting that place is never easy- it fills you with a strange dread, makes you ask yourself if you have ever done anything wrong at all. At the same time, you can thank God that you are dealing with Dubai Police. There is no competition when it comes to their polite, confident, and courteous dealing. I think, if i knew Arabic, i would have felt even more comfortable, though most of the officers did speak Urdu/ Hindi. 

I never got my bag or my documents or my phone back, but a lot of feedback from people who were not in the wrong but on the wrong side of the table with the Police, and my own personal impressions tell me that the Police of the world have a lot to learn from our very own Dubai Police. This Police has changed my whole perception of what a Police is. Even though I still believe that the lesser you ‘need’ to get involved with  the police, the better, I am sure i am not the only one who regards Dubai Police as one of the best, if not the best. Our laws might be a bit unclear sometimes, and fast changing at other times, and sure, it would be extremely unfortunate for anyone to get into a problem with the law; especially here, but our Police excels at what it is supposed  to do- enforce those laws without unnecessarily scaring the people. I am sure more people look at the Police here as someone who could really help them when they get stuck (and not only in the sand!), as someone they need not fear if they have done nothing wrong, a Police whose amazing work and attitude needs all the recognition and appreciation from the people it strives to keep safe- us!

If only everyone did their jobs as seriously and as honestly, the world would be a near-perfect place....

The nosy ones in your life!

There are friends, neighbours, relatives, colleagues and acquaintances; and then, there are nosy friends, neighbours, relatives, colleagues and acquaintances! I prefer the first type. However, i have come to understand that the latter type has its own plus points!

As a brand new bride, visiting my family for the first time after marriage, the one common question a lot of these people in my life asked me was, “You’re happy na?" It took me a few moments to answer that question, because it was so deep. Marriage changes you, your whole existing world, and how do you decide in a few days, weeks or even months really if you are happy post-marriage, and how do you not confuse the adjustment period, that is for sure a difficult one, with unhappiness? I hope my brief silence while answering that question was not seen as my 'unhappiness'.
A couple I know haven’t been able to start a family even many years post marriage due to some medical issues. I have never asked them about it but i have seen aunties asking the lady, "Any luck?", "What did the doctor say?”, “Why don’t you see so and so doctor?” , “Adoption?” etc. etc. I am not sure they appreciate having to answer the same questions again and again, i am sure though that their privacy should have been respected. If they feel up to it, if they feel they can talk to anyone about that matter, it is up to them. But no…there is no respite from people who think it their birthright to interfere in other people’s lives, or on a more sincere note, may be they actually mean good but their tact needs a lot more polish.
"Oh, she is here...how nice. Her husband has also come?" (The secret thought in my mind is, if he had come, you'd have seen him!)
"So, when are you going to your in-laws place?" (because if i am not, their interpretation is, "Don't know what is wrong- her husband does not come here, she does not go there...")
"When is your son coming back, or is he going to stay there only?" (I am sure, in their heart of hearts, this nosy neighbour/ relative is hoping that the son does not come back, so they will always have something to gossip about!)
"Oh, the boy is an NRI..but do check properly...we have heard enough stories..." (secretly hoping they also find a NRI boy for their girl!)
I have been asked this on every birthday and anniversary by a particular person, ever since i came to know her, “So, what did you get as a gift?" It is not a significant question as such, but i did not wish to share it with anyone. I wondered, why was she asking me that question, year after year,  when i had never asked her the same?
and then  there are extremes, (it really does get hilarious!)

"She has come from Dubai?” this question is directed at my parents. The next one is for me,

“How much gold did you bring beta?",
and all i can do is  try to keep my open (in awe of this talent!) mouth shut! It is a talent that i do not have- the art of being so direct that it leaves the other person literally speechless.

There is a very thin line between natural curiosity and unjustified interference. These people cross that line. I guess it would have been better if people had a cleaner heart when they asked these questions. If they just said, "let me know if you need any help..." it would be far less interfering and interrogative in anyway than rubbing salt on someone's existing wounds or fishing for someone's personal life details for judgement and gossip.

On the brighter side, such nosy people are constant reminders that there are non-nosy people too- your real well-wishers who do not probe unless you are ready to share your life with them,  and who appreciate the privacy that you need, and who let YOU draw that line yourself. They might test your patience but they teach you how to handle them too. Besides, gossip always has a short life! And, anyway, who cares??

Let's meet for a cup of tea!

"Let's meet for coffee then", is the most usual invitation exchanged these days, usually referring to a couple of hours catching up with an old friend or acquaintance at a Starbucks or Cafe Coffee Day or Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, or for that matter anywhere. Whatever happened to our favourite cup of tea? From the time the English teacher gave us a paragraph writing task on how to prepare a cup of tea; tea became a mysterious, divine cup of liquid. To stay awake during exams, to catch up with friends on first night of the new term, to enjoy a night of family conversations, to watch TV waiting for someone to come home- a cup of tea fit the bill wonderfully. Not too much caffeine, not too much sugar- just a desi cup of perfect chai! From the college canteens to the tea from a much stained pan of the tea stall owner in the University compound; from Rainbow (condensed milk) wali chai to the ginger or cardamom tea, it has survived the newer forms of coffee being invented every day.

It is not to say that coffee never worked its way through my heart. It did, for a while. Studying literature, I did fall in love with the frothy, hand beaten coffee- it added to the romance that the books exuded. It put in place the perspective of the novels we studied, which were all invariably set in the West. And, whoever has had a cup of coffee at the Indian wedding receptions will agree, they are a different breed altogether!

And yet, a cup of tea says more than it intends to. The tea with pakoras in the rain, the tea after the pakoras in the rain;  the morning tea; breakfast tea; the most desirable mug of tea when your new born baby has just gone to sleep; the tea before bed! There is a cup of tea for every occasion and every moment of life. I miss the fact that no one meets up for tea anymore! Just plain, simple tea.

One of our professors used to say “What is the big deal with an invitation for tea? Just take out 2-3 varieties of biscuits and serve with tea!” That’s how tea used to be, and probably still is, in all the government organisations and the neighbourhood satsang mandalis! With kitty parties and book clubs and other forms of social interactions taking over the social scene of home-makers, the humble tea slowly became the stressful ‘high tea’! Stressful because it now meant that you do not need to prepare dinner but 'as good as dinner’, heavy snacks of ample variety. More formal, less personal.

My simple cup of tea with little milk and a spoonful of sugar has either become extinct or too heavy in the world outside home. I am thinking, "Let's meet for juice" is the next best invitation then!

Exchange Policy

"I think we should have waited for the colour", i remarked as i parked the car. It is a good thing i was driving and not him. I could hear the screeching brakes that he would have applied.
He did look at me in disbelief though, "It is not a sari! It is a car!!!", referring to the car we had driven from the showroom only a day before.
"Yes, i know- but i did not really like the colour" i said, knowing that my desirable colour would have meant a wait of another 2 months.
"....." he was still looking at me in disbelief, that look meaning, "You are impossible!!!!"

I know i should have said those words before agreeing to buy the colour i only partially liked- it IS  a car, and not a sari afterall! But there is really something to it- when you bring something home and look at it, it almost always seems that  the other colour or the other design or the other brand was better, whatever the parameters.

The first thing i check when i enter a store is their 'Exchange Policy'. It is a good thing we get 14 days to make up our mind, and if it is a 'sale’ item, 3 days- understandably so- they need to move their stock too! Even back home, i remember always asking the retailer if i could exchange the dress or the material  if 'we' do not like it, 'we' referring to everyone at home saying "It is nice!". 

I think that is also one of the reasons why i have my favourite jeweller- they also have an 'exchange policy'- and only a woman can appreciate what that means when it comes to jewellery. We spend a lot of time liking one piece and then buying it- but no sooner do we reach home than we take it out and start scrutinising it- "I think the other one was better..."- "i think the making charges were lesser in that", or, "i think i should have bought a 'daily wear' one- this is too heavy."

The reasons  are endless- colour, style, pricing, value for money, versatility, or just that indecision between white and pink, or, black and navy! The result though is that i have more credit notes from various retailers in my bag than the currency notes!

Frustrating, as it is, for my spouse, it has been told to me in no uncertain terms that he is not coming along for exercising my right to 'exchange' under the terms of respective 'Exchange Policies'. I don't mind doing it on my own. I am wondering though, who will i blame for the choice if i do not like the 'exchanged' item too?

'Bare' minimum!

Visiting a doctor is never a happy occasion. However, as I am discovering now, it still provides healthy fodder for writing and learning!

 E.g., I just discovered that when you visit your doctor for any complaint, you could be subject to any level of investigation. And therefore, you should always go as if you are going to work, or to visit a friend- basically; neat, clean and dressed appropriately. Whether the doctor decides to do an ECG for you, or a session of physiotherapy, or just a physical check-up, you do not want that nurse to think you do not take care of yourself or that you do not practice hygiene. (Read- wax, wax, wax!!!!, or deo, deo deo!!!!- as the case may be!).
 I once asked the friendly physiotherapist at the clinic what she thought about all the different forms of flesh that she treated day in and day out (i thought 'forms of flesh' was more impersonal than 'bodies'). She told me that it does not even matter to her. When she sees a patient, she sees the muscles and the tendons and exercises that will help those muscles and tendons and nothing else. That was good to know!
I guess it is the same thing with doctors and the nurses then. They see so many bodies in some kind of physical pain or the other, day in and day out, that it does not matter to them whether you are beautiful or ugly, man or woman, young or old, black or white, taut or wrinkled.....
I think it is in our minds- because thankfully, we do not see doctors or nurses or therapists or radiology technicians every day. There is a certain hesitation to have to bare, however minimum it may be,  in front of a stranger, even if that stranger is of the same sex as you are, and even if that stranger is treating you for your health  problems!  And so, it is a comfort to know that they do not judge us by the shape we are in, or the make-up we are not wearing or the waxing appointment we could not make to.
Living here, it is a privilege to be able to ask for a female doctor or technician. Even when there is no choice, it is mandatory that a female staff be present when the doctor is examining you. That makes things easier for sure. However, experience tells me that when you look at the doctor as the doctor, and not as a man or woman, you will feel more at ease and less conscious. The rule to stay clean,  and look clean is still applicable though, for your own conscious self!

The 'Gas Connection'!

It is a familiar scenario. Known, experienced, survived!

In all my married, and hence 'cooking' (in the kitchen) years, it has always happened when either i have guests at home, or the kids are about to go to school, or i am midway serving them their food, or some weird moment like that- it is eerie how that gas cylinder picks the oddest moment to declare it has expired!

It is like God playing his mischievous self, for a change! Why else would the gas finish only when you are desperately making a cup of tea? Or the chapati is half cooked? Or the rice is half boiled? Or worse, when it is past the gas company's delivery time and you have to wait until 9 next morning! How do you send the kids to school next morning?

We have other options like microwaves, and electric hot plates and best of all, home delivery menus. But i have yet to learn the art of making a perfect chapati in a microwave. Hot plates have to be installed when i chose gas instead. Home delivery options do not work for 6.30am school-lunch delivery!

We beg, we plead, we threaten, we plead again...."Please, please, please- can you not deliver the gas now?"
"No, I need it now!!!"
"I cannot wait until tomorrow morning."
"What is your cut-off for delivery time- it is not even 8! I have seen your delivery vehicles even later at night in our area!"

But no! They leave their stickers with all the numbers on it on your gas cupboard but when you need a new cylinder, not one of these delivery companies are willing to come. And their excuses are unique:
"I have finished all the cylinders now- new cylinder will be filled only in the morning."
"I just came from that area..."
"Our cut off time is 5pm"
And the best is,
8pm: "I am coming...",
9pm: "I am on my way."
10pm: "He has not reached as yet? I told my colleague to come there..."
 11pm": " It is too late- the Security will not allow us to come now..."
It allows him to buy time and lets you pass your time in the hope of his arrival. Finally, you understand that he outsmarted you and now it is actually so late that no one else will deliver either- so you have no option but to wait it out until next morning!
You will be lucky if your neighbourhood supermarket is still open to pick some bread and croissant for kids' breakfast while you wait for the gas delivery van and a new phone number on your gas cupboard!

Moral of the story: many!
1. Always keep a loaf of bread at home! You can use it instead of chapati in such emergencies.
2. Always keep fresh fruits, juices and again, bread at home- they come in handy for kids' lunch boxes when the gas cylinder ditches you!
3. Always have extra cash at home- the prices of gas have been steadily increasing! You do not want the guy to come and not deliver the cylinder only because you did not have enough cash!
4. Cook before 5 pm! So, even if the gas finishes at 8, you only have to worry about the next morning then!
5. Last, and most important, take it as an opportunity- to 'fast', to eat out, to go light (by eating only fruits and salad),  to have a long conversation....depending upon your personal appetite!

The Gora Beggar, and after that...

There is one image that i can never forget- that of a white (a gora, a Westerner) beggar on the steps of Har ki Pairi in Hardwar, India. He was filthy in his appearance- matted hair, dirty clothes, long beard, and long nails- and was begging for food from a fellow beggar. The fellow beggar treated him with respect, as is the tendency in the ex-colonies of the British Empire (first reaction: the colour of the skin still gets more respect than the merit of the person).

 The only thing that came to my mind was a string of questions:

 "Why is he here? How is he here? Where has he come from? Has he lost his passport? Why did he choose to beg here instead of going home, where he was born and brought up and work like normal people? Is this his spiritual journey? Or has he gone mad en route?"

I have no clue what happened to him thereafter. But that image has never left my mind. The West comes to the East thinking and seeking spiritual peace and happiness. Was this really his quest for peace that landed him on those holy steps and led him to begging?

To me, the only reason people in the East seem more contented and happy is because of our faith system. We place our trust, besides God, in our rivers, stones, trees, animals- anything and everything. Ganga, among many others, is a holy river; even though we lack the civic sense to keep our rivers clean in the first place. Our Gods use various animals as their vehicles, so we come to respect them automatically- be it Nandi, the bull; Mooshak, the mouse; Sher, the lion of the Lion goddess; or the snake, the ornament around Lord Shiva’s neck….

We believe that someone out there, our revered God or Goddess is looking after us. It is the same faith the kids have in their parents. Our daily life reflects our faiths. We pray, we 'fast', we do rituals, we believe in magical powers of that black thread, or the black mark on the forehead to ward off the evil eye, we believe in the all-healing powers of our Gods more than we believe the doctors or science or anything man made.

It is the healing power of faith that helps people survive in the middle of abject poverty, extreme hunger, deprivation, and disease. It is that faith that someday, in this life or the next; everything is going to be alright. In fact, as a part of our faith system, we even ‘bribe’ God! Unbelievable as it may sound,  we do it so regularly-

“If I score an A-grade in this exam, I will come to your temple for the next 4 Mondays!” (Or, Tuesdays, or Fridays...)

“If my blood test reports all come out fine, I am going to light a diya (the prayer lamp) in front of You every day.”

“If I get this contract, I am going to do a big ‘Jagrata’ (an overnight celebration of the Goddess’ powers by singing devotional songs) in your honour, dear Goddess.”

“If this family says ‘Yes’ for my daughter, I am going to give langar (free food) to all the beggars in the town.”

“I am going to fast for 16 Mondays so I get a good husband.”

“If you do this, I will come bare feet to your temple…”

We negotiate with God, we try to lure Him by making our promises to return His favours, we fight with Him when He does not do as we thought He would or He should, we question Him when we are doubting our faith practices, but in the end, we believe in Him and His intentions and we hope He will take us through all the tests that He presents us with in the first place.

As I continue my own quest for peace, I understand that that faith helps me let go of my tensions- and i put it on Him to look after me once again- it is really as simple as that...