Belated Apology

I forgot my friend's daughter's birthday, in spite of remembering it rest of the year round!
I forgot to return a borrowed pair of shoes back in University, in spite of seeing them every day in my room.
I forgot my colleague's birthday too- only because i was away on leave and was not checking FB regularly. On any other day, you could ask me and i would know for sure when she cuts her cake!
I forgot my friend's anniversary, only to ask my husband a couple of days later if it was the 22nd today! "Oh God! I forgot V's wedding anniversary, again!"

What is worse is, i haven’t made amends. Not because i did not want to but because i was too embarrassed in the first place. I was too embarrassed to admit that i was so busy in my life that i forgot important days in my friends' and relatives' lives. I could have made amends, following the adage "Better late than never", but it never seemed right enough and it just kept on getting late and later and latest.
In hindsight though, it seems it would have been really a good idea to follow that adage.
 It would have been less damaging.
It would have been better than my friend thinking on my kid's birthday, "She never remembered my child's birthday, why should i remember her child's?”
 It would have been better than my other friend thinking "She 'kept' my shoes!" when i didn’t. I was so embarrassed at the delay in returning her shoes that i just did not have the courage and in the end, just before leaving the hostel, i gave them away to one of the helpers there.
Just before i wrote this post, I made my first such amend. I had missed wishing a senior colleague on his special day, because i simply didn’t get a chance todo so on that particular day. But I wrote to him today to let him know that our best wishes were just a little late. It has been easier than having to explain later, more out of guilt rather than anything else,  all that contributed to forgotten birthdays and anniversaries and everything else in between.
So, this is my open apology to all my friends and relatives and colleagues and acquaintances-
"No, i did not forget it. I just could not wish you on your special day for reasons i have forgotten myself now. So, just so you know- best wishes, always!"

The 'Speaking' Shopping Trolley

All the Carrefour counters had long queues. It did not matter which one i was in- it would always seem to move slower than all the others. Standing with a trolley full of grocery, i was irked by this lady who shoved her way into the queue. No apologies, no sign language of politeness. I decided to keep quiet- she had just a few items in her trolley.
As the queue moved slowly, she started getting impatient. We happened to make eye contact and she made a hand gesture to show that she had a flight to catch. I looked at her trolley again- she was carrying chocolates- Toffifee, Lindt, Quality Street, and surprisingly, a couple of kilos of ginger. I concluded, may be ginger is not so easily available at her destination. The lady seemed Iranian from the way she was wearing her head scarf, but i could be wrong. She managed to cut the queue once again, and thanked me, for our mute conversation, in a language i did not understand.
As she was paying, i looked around at the trolleys around me. It was sea, an ocean and yet, each one so distinctive. Trolleys spoke so much about the person/ family towing it, paying for its contents.

The gentlemen ahead of me seemed to have just moved here because they were buying mop, clothes stand, ironing board, ready-made pizza, bath robe...

The trolley in the next queue was full of butter- yes, packs and packs of a Danish brand of butter. The wildest guess was that the guy owned a shop elsewhere and was buying butter in bulk here to save money.

The trolley behind me definitely belonged to a family that was not vegan. There were packs of meat in different forms, milk, bread, eggs, some fruits, packs of chips and long life juices. And then there was another one that had bought clothes in bulk.

It was so interesting, so educating in a way. Yet, at the same time, i wondered if i would like to be assessed, judged, and inferred by anyone based upon the contents of my trolley. I am pretty sure i do not want to tell a stranger or even an acquaintance the brand of rice i eat, the soap i buy, the shampoo  i use, the cereal  i prefer, or the fruits i can afford (thanks to most fruits now priced at AED 25 and above!)- they are all too personal....
I think, just like the family cabins in the restaurants, the check-out counters should be closed cabins (weird thought, i know!), giving us the privacy of our decisions.

Calling the Call Centre...do you have what it takes???

For all of those who think they have mastered Patience, here is a test: call Global VFS at their Call Centre if you have any questions about UK visa, and they give you a free 'Patience test'. I passed it with flying colours- my record: 180 minutes, and still waiting on number one now- and i was the 8th caller in the queue when i started! The reward: a bit disappointing. I was hoping there will be a grand announcement, a certificate or something, but i learnt, the fact that you get to talk to the 'representative' is THE reward! Besides, there is a feel-good factor if you are calling from your landline (at least you didn’t waste your mobile recharge waiting for your turn!).

People complain about Customer Care standards in Dubai. I think they are one of the best, compared to what we see back home. Yet, that is no excuse for the terrible Call Centres here. My bank has made all calls to its call centre chargeable and it comes with a guarantee that you will be in the queue for a minimum of 30 minutes!  

Similarly, the pizza company is prompt at taking the order but wouldn’t pick your call when you want to check if they are still ordering the dough from Italy, 1 hour after placing the order.

Try calling the telecom company, and they pass their test of frustrating the customer beyond imaginable limits with the same flying colours!

Come to think of it, with our patience being tested on a daily basis, should we be thanking all these so called service providers for improving our sense of calm and composure? The thing about a normal phone line was that nobody kept on thanking you for your patience and increasing your blood pressure. No one told you that your call will be connected in exactly 30 minutes or 30 seconds, or that you are at what number...if the phone was busy, you would call back later...simple. The level of precision, or the intention to improve the positive attitude of the customer by putting them on waiting line, was beyond the capabilities of a normal customer -care phone number.

At the same time, the more i think about it, the more it appears that this is all a trick to frustrate the customer so much that he hangs up the line, and they do not have to answer our queries. Or, is it a signal that we should take our business elsewhere- be it the bank, the pizza company, the telecom company, the country you are planning to visit for a holiday....as a customer, thankfully, sometimes, we do have options. We are just too lazy to explore them!

Rx: New Love!

Have you ever been prescribed 'Love'? Yes, i am serious. Ever?
Well, ever since i have been, my husband forbade me to visit the same doctor again, and my friends have been asking me about the doctor's contact details!

It is not what it looks like really...precisely why they said, "Don’t judge a book by its cover." But still, when
I went to consult the Orthopaedic for a nagging neck pain; all he prescribed me for relief was a 'New Love'!
One look at my neck, and without an X-ray he said, "It is a spasm, some stiffness, some knots in the muscle there...do you work?"
I wondered, as i always do when someone asks me that question, if my Freelance work really counts as 'work'. In the end, i just said, "Freelance".
"Hmmm...” i think he too wondered whether to consider it as serious work or a time-pass fascination of a housewife! Nevertheless, he continued, "I think you just need to find a new love..."
My mind did not wait for him to finish. It went in overdrive and started racing...
"New love? Is he mad? Not that i would mind being the centre of the universe once again, not that i would mind receiving all those lovely notes and attention, not that i would mind looking forward to meeting someone everyday........." i think i was smiling at that point, "but wait!!!!!", i heard the brakes, "i am not a young, single woman anymore", that was my head talking now, "I have a husband, kids, a home....as much as the idea of love is tempting, it is just not worth it! I am very happy with what i have been blessed with...thank you very much!"
Yes, i had made up my mind. Thankfully, before I opened my mouth to reprimand the doctor, i heard him say, "Find a group activity. Join a gym, an art class, anything- anything that will make you meet more people...it is just stress!"
"Oh! Stress!” i thought, "when i was working i had stress, when i am not working i have stress..."
"I didn’t know stress can cause all this...” i said to the doctor.
"Oh yes, stress can manifest itself in many ways other than BP or heart conditions...."

As I left the clinic, i walked home that 30-minute walk, thanking God that it was still not too hot to walk. On my way, everyone i saw seemed okay as far as stress is concerned. People in their cars, nannies pushing the prams, gardeners rushing on their bicycles, and various service providers entering and exiting the communities en route. I wondered if they were happier doing what they were doing, or happier just because they were doing something? I wondered if a 'coffee morning' was more de-stressing or having a coffee on your way to work? I wondered if too much work was stressful or doing nothing all day long. Who is not stressed really? The unmarried are stressed because they want to get married, the married  have their own stress, the divorced are under stress becuase they want a new companion, the kids are strssed out because they are kids and have to go by their parents' and teachers' ways, the elderly are stressed because their younger generation does not 'listen to them' anymore, the boss is stressed and stresses the suordinates- exactly, who is NOT stressed?
I am sure this prescription will work for just about everyone, as long as it is not taken literally!
For me, I have concluded that I need to push myself out of my cocoon every morning, count my blessings, work the work that makes me happy and focus on the goodness of life.
And yes, my husband also changed his mind about the doctor after listening to the whole advice!

I confess...i pretend!

I have been taught to pretend. And i am sure everyone is. It is a part of our growing up.
"Smile and say hello when the guests come," i am teaching my brood to pretend, pretend to be happy when we socialise with people other than they know, or are friendly with.

"Oh, he knows all the poems! Chalo beta, recite that Red Balloon one for uncle-auntie", haven’t we all gone through it? For the sake of our parents and avoiding a lecture later, we all have endured being the unwanted performer in front of an uninterested audience.

"That house is your home now. Stay true to both the homes my child," is the usual parting advice to brides in our country. And yet, from when she comes back for her first visit after the marriage to whenever she comes later, everyone tries to find the inside secrets of her new family.
"How is your sister-in-law? Does she take all your clothes?"
"How is your mother-in-law? Does she help you or you have to do everything?"
"What? They drink every night? OMG!!!"
The bride, however, is generally trained to pretend, and pretends that all is fine. All is well. The mother laments that her daughter does not share anything with her anymore, and by that she actually means that she does not tell her any problems that she is facing in her other home. The mother-in-law fears that her daughter-in-law will go and share the family issues with her parents and the matter will be aggravated. The bride fears that one day she will lose her mind in the middle of these two mothers! Nobody told her that marriage was a tough thing, much more than the nice clothes and jewelry and the happy send-off and promises of love.

"Oh, my wife is a great cook" boasts the man in front of his boss, even though he knows his wife got migraine attack at the mere mention of having his boss over for a formal dinner.
"Oh, it is all my pleasure", gushes the wife when the boss and his wife thank her for having taken all that trouble.

"Hey, why don’t you stay with us?" the husband screams on the phone to his long-lost friend who has bothered to call him only when he is planning to visit the city. There is no space in the house to have house-guests but they do host them, all the while pretending what a pleasure it has been to host them and meet them after decades of  hibernation.

I am sure i am not the only one who is the dutiful bahu when one of her in-laws visit and the in-control daughter when someone from her 'own' side visits. The same holds true for our spouses.
At least one of these is a facade, or are we really so unbelievably perfect?

"I am so sorry...I already have guests coming over this weekend", we pretend to have a perfectly busy social life when we are invited to a party we hardly want to go, even though we will spend the weekend grumpily in front of the tv.

Sometimes, it is tempting to stay true, to not pretend anymore. But i realise that that would mean less headache for me but more heartache for many more people in my life.

So, you see- we are a species who pretend. We pretend to be happy, sad, innocent, demanding, accommodating, furious and all things in between. We are positive thinking personified. How? Don't all of those books tell us to believe the make-believe- "Believe you are happy and you will feel happy!", "Believe you are fine, and you will feel fine!”
We believe our pretence because it is a way of life. The only way to wade through those muddy, confusing waters of life we call a journey!

Chaat- the distinctive Indian treat!

I had the opportunity to spend my growing years in a very lively corner of the town. 15 years since I have left the town, and it is still the liveliest place closer to home. There is everything that the people of a small town need there- a couple of Pharmacies, tailor, groceries, photographers, snack shops, DVD shop, etc. etc. The most distinctive shop, however, has been a chaat shop. The Panna Chaat shop. Having enjoyed the gol-gappas, tikkis and papri chaats in abundance from there, i no longer really crave it but it is some kind of an icon nonetheless, a thread that binds all of our age group in the town. We all have been there- for birthday treats, exam-treats, just-like-that treats, on an impulse, to follow someone entering that shop...the reasons have been endless! It is still the best chaat-shop in town.

Over the years, everytime i have passed by that shop, looking at the crowd of young girls with their moms, teenage boys, couples with young kids, newlyweds, I have had just one thought...what is it that this chaat gives them, all of them? It had to be beyond its trademark flavour or the buzz of that square. It had to be something that has contributed to this shop's long life and reputation.

After years of pondering, I have come to the conclusion that in a small town, with our mundane lives and the monotonous routines, the chaat with its tangy and spicy flavours gives us something new to feel. It breaks that monotony. It allows us to be happy for much less, even if for a very short period of time. It adds variety to the boring daily life of an average middle class person. It hits a desire for the fresh, better, new, different, yummy, spicy...in pretty much the same way gossip does for most women!

Yes, it feeds a desire.

At the same time, it allows us to really enjoy that moment when we drink that sweet-sour water with the gol-gappas or enjoy the smooth yoghurt on the papri chaat...its tanginess akin to the tanginess we crave in our lives when we see the grass always green on the other side, or the gol gappa bigger in the other's plate!

Happy 'Chaatting'!

Living the World Cup fever in India!

I missed being in India last night. There is no place like home to watch the World Cup- each palpitation is loud enough and the collective palpitation can be heard and felt all around- the sighs for a 'bad' one and the crackers for every four or sixes! I was there during the India -Pakistan semi-final and never before had I witnessed such madness for a sport. The streets, as predicted, started getting lonelier after 2.30pm. The women were busy preparing for the evening- "Men folk are going to be at home watching the match- they will need a constant supply of savouries...” told a lady i smiled at acknowledging her purchase of namkeens. From projector screens, large gatherings, constant inflow of tikkis, samosas, dahi-bhallas to chai and pakoras with a small group of friends, or just a drink with a close friend- you could see all varieties glued to their TV sets. This was a war without the traditional arms and ammunition, a war with a different and thankfully, lesser casualties. Nonetheless, this was a war for the national pride. The most exciting match for the Indians. When India won this one, people seemed content- they had won over their arch enemy, this was their World Cup. They went bonkers. Gathering at all the intersecting junctions in the town, waving the national tricolour, blowing trumpets, vuvuzelas and what not, beating the drums, hanging out of their car windows and sun roofs, dancing, bursting crackers, and above all, screaming- just one word- INDIA- everyone, literally everyone went bonkers. What a moment it was, to revel in that happiness, seeing people forget everything else and live that moment to the fullest. It was absolutely amazing being in the middle of that frenzy, and precisely why i missed being there last night!
In anticipation of the match, i was asked two questions that i thought were interesting. First was, if both India and UAE were playing this match, who would i cheer for? Honestly, it was a tough one and yet the obvious one. Tough because i love the country I am in and obvious because this country does not love me yet! So, my loyalty between this country and my own will be with India for sure- the country that i still call 'home' and the country that calls me its citizen and gives me  my rights and responsibilities. I think i would have been confused if I had the nationality of another country...

The second question was a bit shocking for me. Shocking because i had never thought that someone around me could think like this...
"Do you think the Muslims of this country will cheer for India or Pakistan?"
"Of course India!” was my instant reply. "You are confusing religion with national loyalty..."
"May be...but don’t you think people who moved from Pakistan after the partition still think of Pakistan as their home?"
"We too should be cheering for Pakistan then, no?” i said, referring to our roots in the then Punjab that became a part of Pakistan after the partition.
The discussion went on for just a little longer with the conclusion that any hardliner still finds it difficult to alienate religion from rest of what makes an individual. All a fundamentalist sees is who you were born as and not what you have learnt to become besides that.
Thankfully, the match started and the unpleasant discussion was drowned in the answers of  "Who won the toss???"