What is one thing that NRIs are
always scared of?
That ominous phone call- in the middle of the night, early in
the morning, anytime of the day…that unexpected phone call that tells you that
you have lost someone. It is the loss coupled with that feeling of helplessness…you
cannot even rush to attend the last rites- by the time you reach home, it is
all over. A chapter closed. An opportunity to see one last time missed,
forever. A regret mixed with guilt stays
in your heart that tells you you were the only one absent.
As that feeling hit home today,
it left me nervous. My first thought was to go home. Next came the practicalities. Where should I leave my kids? Should I try to find airline
tickets? Will I be able to still see my grandfather, or will it be too late? I
do not want to go home and see his empty bed after 6 months. I do not want to
cry alone with his memories in my heart. I want to celebrate his long life (99 years)
and remind myself that he is probably with my grandmother now, and
happier. But sitting so far from home,
it is not easy to let go; to not remember him with his walking stick, his conversations, his treats, his hand on your head even when his memory was failing him, or even his
sickness in the last few years…
I have to admit- I hate these
phone calls…